Love letters
by guiltyashell
Summary: Triumph written on his face, a box in his hands as he walked over to her. Not any box. The box filled with Jane's letters [...] "Those aren't loveletters. Please Marcus, just let it go..."
1. Chapter 1

**Hey here I am again with a new story this time... One of the very kind people who left reviews and made me super happy gave me an idea for a new story. So thank you **bones35 **:)**

**I also wanna thank my amazing friend Suyu who is now officially my editor, because I still make a lot of mistakes and I don't manage to correct them so she took over that job and I am very grateful for that. So enough with the speech. have a good read ;)**

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Lisbon and Pike were sitting on her couch. Looking at family pictures he had brought with him.

"I will never forgive my mom for cutting my hair that summer. She can do a lot of things, but cutting hair is not one of them!" He laughed while looking at a picture of his twelve year old self grinning into the camera, spikes of hair standing in every direction, obviously not cut by a professional.

She joined his laughter leaning into him and showing him her favorite picture so far.

It showed him swirling his sister around. Both of them wearing goofy grins on their faces. "You look so happy," she murmured, tapping on the photograph.

Pike smiled down at her. "How come I haven't seen any pictures of you?"

She frowned at him. "I'm pretty sure you've seen pictures of me..." He shook his head "No I mean childhood pictures..." Lisbon froze in his arms, not knowing how to respond to that. " I don't have any..." She lied. She did have photos of the early days, when her mother had still been alive and the Lisbons had been a happy family, but looking at her caused her pain and she hadn't in over a year.

"I don't believe you." He chuckled and tried to tickle her, he still hadn't realized she wasn't ticklish. There was only one spot on her back that was extremely sensitive and ticklish, but she was pretty sure no one other than Jane knew that. "You're probably just embarrassed about them, huh?" He teased. Oblivious to the pain in her expression. Not knowing about her history, not realizing the old wounds he was reopening.

Then suddenly he got up, so suddenly that Lisbon almost fell off the couch, holding onto the armrest in the last second.

He walked over to one of her cupboards, opening its doors, hands roaming the shelf until he found what he was looking for.

Triumph written on his face, a box in his hands as he walked over to her. Not any box. The box filled with Jane's letters. Lisbon stood up and tried to grab it from him, but he moved to the side and ran behind the couch, preventing her from reaching him.

"This sure looks like something where one would keep photos doesn't it?" He grinned, not noticing the clear panic on her face when he lifted the lid.

"Oh well look at this. Those look like love letters..." He teased taking one out of the box.

"Those aren't love letters. Please Marcus, just let it go..."

But of course he didn't. She couldn't blame him, she had persuaded him into opening a second bottle of wine and it was clearly getting to him, otherwise he would've respected her wishes and already noticed how uncomfortable he was making her.

Helpless, she watched as he unfolded the letter, holding it up to read it.

_Dear Teresa, _Oh no she knew that letter, had read it over and over again during one of the many lonely nights. It was the only time he had addressed her as Teresa in his letters and she was pretty sure that he hadn't been sober while bringing those lines to paper.

Lisbon was startled out of her thoughts as her boyfriend continued reading, silly grin firmly placed on his lips, not yet knowing who that letter was from, whose words he was reciting.

_The air is so hot and thick here I am having trouble breathing and yet I am enjoying the heat. I wish you were here to witness all this for yourself, but most of all I want you here for me._

_I am so lonely. I always have been, but the loss of your presence by my side has left a hole that I know I am unable to fill. With increasing frequency I find myself turning around to point things out to you only to remember that I am on my own. In the mornings my hand reaches for yours, only to find my sheets are empty beside me. I even make you coffee sometimes, too late realizing that you are probably still asleep._

"Wow this guy sure knows how to write huh?" Pike throws in, looking at her.

Only then he sees the tears in her eyes, the distress radiating off her body.

"Oh god Teresa." he whispers, moving closer. Guilt covering his face. "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..." He looks between her and the letter, when his eyes close in on something.

Not only something... but the signature on the bottom of the letter. _Patrick_

"Wait, is this from Jane?" He asks, disbelief in his voice.

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**TBC**

**Soooo how'd you like it? Review please? It would make me happy :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am so so sorry guys. I know it's been a long time and I've kept you hanging and I feel super bad about it, but I just couldn't for the life of me write the next chapter... I don't know what happened, call it writers block... whatever. I am sorry though and I hope you're still reading this story and like this chapter.**

**For all of those who reviewed WOW I can not thank you enough! Actual tears of joy filled my eyes and I am so grateful for all your kind words!**

**And a shout out to the lovely Suyu who is the most amazing person and edited this for me**

**Disclaimer: The Mentalist or it's characters does not belong to me only this story does...**

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Lisbon swallowed and nodded. Then she reached out and took the letter from his hand, carefully folding it and laying it back into the box, before putting the lid on top of it.

"Yes, those are from Jane. Like I said they're not love letters. They're from when he was hiding from the FBI." She explained a bit harshly.

She walked to her cupboard and put the box back inside. When she turned around Pike was standing behind her, not too close, but still giving her no way to walk away from him.

"I know a love letter when I read one." He muttered. "I mean I knew you two were close, but you never mentioned that you were in a relatio..."

She cut him off "... We were never in a relationship." The brunette bit her lip at the regret that was evident in her tone.

He cocked his head to one side. Confusion written on his face "Why not?"

"Excuse me?" Lisbon was tired and on edge and she didn't want to talk about Jane, especially not with Marcus.

"Why were you not together? I mean…"

She looked at him, disbelief written all over her face. Was he serious?

"I mean, I get the whole Red John part, Jane's not stupid enough to put you at risk like that, but afterwards? He's been back for almost a year now, so why...?"

She frowned at him. "What do you want me to say? Why I'm not in a relationship with another man? Is that really something you wanna talk about?" Lisbon was annoyed now. Why couldn't he just leave this alone.

"Yes because I need to know if my girlfriend is in love with that other man." He seemed angry and for a second Lisbon was surprised. She'd never seen him angry before.

"For God's sake Marcus, I'm here with you aren't I?" She could feel the beginning of a headache tingling on her scalp and resisted the urge to put a hand to her forehead.

"That's not enough." Pike said sadly.

"Then what is? What do you want from me?" She yelled, not being able to restrain her frustration any longer.

"I want you to want to be here." He spat.

"I do want to be here, otherwise I wouldn't be."

"But you don't want to be here with me." He countered.

"That's ridiculous. Are you a mindreader now? How do you want to know what I want? You DON'T know!" She was getting angrier with every second that passed.

"That's exactly my point. I should know what you want. I should know what you need, but I don't and he does and that's the reason why I cannot possibly be what you want Teresa." His breathing was ragged and they both stared at each other as a heavy silence surrounded them.

Lisbon began to speak, her voice soft but laced with irritation and fatigue. "I am so tired of people making decisions for me, of people moving me like a piece in a chess game. I am a person. I have my own opinion and I'm damn capable of voicing it if I want to. If I say this is what I want, you should accept that and stop trying to analyze me."

Pike's gaze softened and he reached out as if he wanted to touch her, but seemed to think better of it, dropping his hand. "I know that Teresa, and I'm not trying to make decisions for you, but you have to understand where I'm coming from. You mean a lot to me and I can't afford to let myself jump in this if I'll end up with my heart broken. At first everything seemed so safe with you, but then there's Jane and there will always be Jane and I can't live like that, I can't love like that with one foot out of the door, because it's hard to know where we stand.

I think that for you Jane comes first, he will always come first and that's okay. I won't blame you for the way you feel because that would be unfair and I realize that there is this whole history between you and Patrick and a sort of connection that is simply too strong to be broken, but can you look me in the eye and tell me you don't love him?"

His desperate look made her heart clench and she wanted to say the words, she really did, but she knew she couldn't. That didn't stop her from trying of course " I... I don't..." but Lisbon couldn't bring herself to say it, because they both knew it wouldn't be true.

A lonely tear made its way down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away.

Marcus offered her a tight lipped, sad smile. "That's what I thought. I think you'll understand that I don't want to have a relationship like that. We both deserve better and I really hope you'll be happy Teresa, but this is it for me."

She nodded, holding back a sob. She may love Jane, but she cared about Marcus and breaking up sucked.

"Goodbye Teresa" He whispered, then he stepped closer and kissed her on the cheek " It has been a pleasure knowing you."

"Goodbye Marcus" She whispered back as she watched him leave.

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**I hope you liked it... Let me know what you think :)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so so sorry! I know it's been months and I don't want to bore you with any excuses or explanations just know that I am sorry and that I'll do my best to finish this story without any major breaks... I hope you're all still here and that you'll like this chapter! Why don't you tell me what your thoughts were **

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It had been a very long day.

Patrick Jane looked at his reflection in the mirror of the men's room, which was extremely clean. Almost clinical even, he remarked internally.

He washed his hands and shook some of the water off then ran a slightly damp hand through his hair, adjusting it in a nervous gesture.

He pulled out one of the paper hand towels from the container and ripped it in the process. Letting out an annoyed sigh, he pulled out another one and dried his hands.

Exiting out of the men's room Jane made his way over to the bullpen looking around for Lisbon wanting to wish her a good night, only to find that she had gone home already.

Disappointed, he waved at Wylie who returned the gesture while yelling out a "Night Jane"

He strolled over to the elevator thinking about Lisbon. He hadn't really thought about much else these last days, but she had been acting weird today, distant and somehow sad.

At first he had tried to lighten her mood, but he had quickly realized that his jokes weren't gonna get him any smiles from her. That had partially been why the day had felt so long, the other part being that they hadn't had a case and he had to do his share on paperwork, which was the definition of boredom in his mind.

The 'ping' of the elevator arriving on his floor startled him out of his thoughts and as the doors opened his mood sank a little more. Standing in front of him was Agent Marcus Pike, a strained smile on his lips as he saw he had ridden up two levels with the elevator instead of all the way down, which he had intended to go.

"Jane, hi." He spoke, stepping aside to give the man space to enter.

"Hey Pike, what brings you up here to our division? Lisbon has already gone home if you were looking for her."

Marcus pressed the ground-floor button and turned to face Jane as the elevator doors were closing.

"No, I was not looking for Lisbon." He said his tone slightly bitter and regretful.

Jane was disgusted at himself for feeling joy at the prospect of a little trouble in Lisbon and Pike's paradise, but he felt it nonetheless.

The only thing that left his mouth though was an "Oh."

Pike frowned at him and quietly said "Yeah," before turning and staring at the closed doors of the elevator.

The buzzing noise the moving metal box made only intensified the incredibly uncomfortable atmosphere. Jane couldn't help but throw the other Agent looks from time to time, wanting to understand what was going on that he was obviously missing. He was losing his touch, he quietly admitted, a few years ago he would've figured this out in a few minutes.

Marcus was obviously tense, anyone could've read that from his body language, but there was something else.

The way the otherwise energetic and happy man held himself, slightly hunched instead of standing up to his full height and the way he forcibly unclenched his hands that seemed to build fists at his sides on their own account.

There was also the tension in his jaw line that indicated anger, which was not something that Jane would associate with Marcus Pike; of course everyone was angry sometimes but his anger seemed based on hurt, and if he wasn't mistaken, it was directed at him.

Jane was rapidly going through the last days wondering what he could have said to the other man to upset him, perhaps something to upset Lisbon that would maybe explain her behaviour today and Pike seemed like the type man who would get offended on their girlfriend's account.

But the longer he thought about it, the more confused he got. He had kept his distance, tried to let Lisbon be happy even if it was with another man, there was nothing he could think of that could've possibly evoked this kind of anger.

Defeated, he recognized that he wasn't going to get any further without asking "Everything is alright I hope?" He inwardly rolled his eyes at his lame question 'Wow really Patrick? Very casual he's never gonna see through that'. He had to suppress a chuckle as he realized that the sarcastic voice in his mind seemed to belong to Lisbon.

"She hasn't told you yet has she?" Pike huffed.

"Told me what?" Jane was now feeling a little concerned and also hurt that she had kept something from him. He realized that sounded a little obsessive but it was just him and his brain; no one there to judge.

"We broke up," Pike said drily, clearly not wanting to go into detail on how that happened.

"Oh wow... uhm." Jane was a little distracted by the urge to break out a happy dance and struggled to find words. "I'm sorry man."

The other man snorted and looked at him incredulously "Yeah, you're not."

He was just about to reply when they arrived and the doors opened.

Still a little dazzled from the news about Lisbon's relationship status he stood still and stared at Pike's retreating form. It was only when the robbery detective turned around that he moved to exit the elevator.

Pike scrutinized him while he was approaching him and said, "Don't you mess this up," before disappearing through the entry of the FBI building.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello dear faithful readers, against the promise this update again comes rather late and I can't do anything than apologize for that. I do however almost have the next chapter done so that should be up soon... **

**A huge thank you goes to my lovely friend and editor Suyu for being my muse of some sorts... You give me new ideas and help me through the process of writing that seems to get harder the more chapters one writes... Okay I'm gonna shut up now. I hope you like this chapter **

**Disclaimer : Neither the mentalist nor it's characters belong to me or I would bring it back right now because I am soooo impatient and I want the last season now! **

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It had been a week and Jane was slowly losing his patience. Actually that wasn't true, he hadn't been patient to begin with but he was losing control over his impatience.  
Six days ago Pike had told him that he and Lisbon weren't a couple anymore and Jane had been trying to give his partner space, to let _her_ tell him in her own time. But it had been a week, and she was still avoiding him, not even close to telling him about her recently required single status.

Part of him was whispering words of doubt in the dark corners of his mind, telling him that Lisbon simply wanted her private life to be private and didn't consider him a part of it, but he knew her better than that.  
Sure he didn't know if she still loved him, hadn't known that since he came back from Venezuela, but he was certain she cared about him and that her withholding such (in his mind) important information was probably born out of insecurities about how he would handle the news. He hadn't made a big secret out of not liking her now ex-boyfriend and maybe she was just not sure how to tell him.

Still, he couldn't stand her not knowing that he knew and him pretending not to know so she would tell him. It took him a while to construct that thought but as soon as he had thought it he couldn't stop thinking it and the last bit of composure he had left broke.

He suddenly jumped up from his chair at the small kitchen table in his trailer, abandoning his cup of now lukewarm tea.  
He grabbed his jacket and keys and jumped out of the trailer slamming the door shut behind him.  
On his way over to Lisbon's house he thought about getting himself a nice apartment. At first he had been excited about the simplicity of his 'house on wheels' as he liked to call it, the child in him ecstatic about all the adventures he could live in the silver bucket, but after a few months the excitement had drifted away and left the need to have a permanent living arrangement, one that didn't make him feel like he was on the run.

Deep in his thoughts he hadn't even realized that he had started jogging, but grew aware of it as the fast panting breaths didn't seem to be enough for his lungs anymore and he slowed down, painfully aware of the fact of how unfit he really was.  
Shaking his head at his own foolishness, he stopped to catch his breath and looked around for a bus stop knowing he would never make the way to Lisbon's house on foot.  
After recognizing that there was in fact no bus stop around, he patted his jacket searching for his phone.

Jane almost let out a yell of relief as he found it.  
He pulled it out and quickly called for a taxi, figuring it was the easiest way to get to Lisbon's.  
He was told that the taxi would arrive in 15 minutes and so he sat down on the sidewalk, still slightly panting.  
Jane distracted himself by thinking about what he would say to Lisbon. By the time the taxi arrived, he was in full panic mode having come to the realization that all he was able to come up with was just stupid.  
Swallowing down his panic, he got into the cab and gave the driver Lisbon's address.  
It seemed to him like only 5 minutes had passed when the cab was pulling up to his partner's place.  
Jane paid the driver and quickly got out of the car, approaching the house with hesitant steps. Behind him he could hear the cab driving away and he took a deep breath to compose himself before knocking on the door.  
After a couple of minutes Lisbon opened it and looked at him in surprise.

"Hey Jane, what are you doing here?" she asked.  
"We have to talk..."

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**So what did you think? Please let me know about your thoughts and feel welcome to suggest things you'd like to see or say if you think I could do something differently... **


	5. Chapter 5

**I know I am a horrible, horrible person promising something and then not doing it and I apologize for that and hope that this chapter was worth the wait!  
**

**I appreciate all your nice words and I really love all of you guys!**

**Shout out to my best friend and editor who keeps me motivated and inspired.**

**Disclaimer: Yes we all know nothing of this show belongs to me **

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After taking his jacket and offering him something to drink, which he politely declined, they were both left standing in her hallway, an awkward silence having settled over them.

Lisbon decided that she was simply too tired for this and arched her eyebrows in question. "So you wanted to talk?" When he didn't respond she continued, "I uh, don't know if you realize this, but for that you would actually have to use words, Jane."

That seemed to break him out of his thoughts and he cleared his throat, his hands adjusting the cuffs of his shirt in a nervous gesture. "I uhm... I know you and Pike broke up."

Lisbon tensed, her back straightening and her jaw clenching. She had definitely not expected that, but she should have, of course Jane would find out somehow. She only had to find out now how much he knew.

She looked at him with a rather defensive expression and then said "And?"

Jane seemed like he didn't know how to respond to that and she tried desperately to come up with some excuse so he would leave, not feeling like she could handle whatever he was going to say without admitting her feelings for him, but before she could come up with something he seemed to have made some kind of decision and determination was radiating off of him.

"I have to tell you something," he spoke, "but I want you to know that me saying this does in no way mean that you have to respond, or that I expect anything in return from you, I just... I just want you to know, ok?"

Lisbon didn't really know what to say to that so she just nodded.

"Good so, phew, here we go... I realize that I might've never really made obvious how much you mean to me." He had brought up one of his hands to scratch the skin behind his ear and Lisbon could see how much effort it took for him to speak from the tension in his jaw, "…and that is one of the many mistakes I made that I will forever regret, but I hope you do know that you are the most important person in the world for me, and I can't even begin to explain how much I care about you..." Lisbon couldn't help but smile at that and she felt her whole expression soften. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and fixing them on hers, his gaze so intense she had to stop herself from looking away. "...but I'm going to try anyway... You know that the idea of letting anyone close to me terrifies me for obvious reasons, but the truth is, over all these years I've come to rely on your presence and I..." Jane's voice broke and she wanted to reach out for him, but she felt that he needed to say whatever he came here to say without her interrupting. "...I admit I took it for granted. Something that I am not proud of, and the truth is Teresa, that I can't... I can't imagine my life without you, which is something I never thought I'd find myself saying but I have come to need you more than anything else."

Lisbon's eyes were roaming his face, her blood rushing loudly through her body while they settled on his lips, reading the words she couldn't believe she was hearing. She felt a little light-headed and wondered if Jane would stop talking if she were to get herself a glass of water. Lisbon eventually decided that it was not worth the risk and just concentrated on keeping her breathing even, then she suddenly stopped breathing altogether as he said, "and the truth is, I love you Teresa! That's the truth of how I feel and you deserve to know it, even though I might be too late."

She remembered her need for oxygen and hastily gulped in a huge breath. His last words had sounded so helpless and the way his eyes glistened suspiciously as if he were to start crying at any moment built a lump in her throat that felt like she would choke on.

"That was all..." His voice got quiet so he was almost whispering when he added a "... Good night."

And turned to go.

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**So if you liked it and/or have any ideas or suggestions for this story why don't you just leave a review? You'd make me very happy! **


	6. Chapter 6

**So here I am again and I think it hasn't been too long since my last update and I'm a little proud of myself...**

**This feels like the last chapter for this story so I'm gonna mark it as complete!**

**Let me know what you thought.**

**Disclaimer : Neither the mentalist not it's characters belong to me **

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He turned to leave, feeling ridiculously relieved at having been able to tell Lisbon the truth and utterly depressed at the same time, as a hand on his arm held him back.

It was that, combined with the slightly hoarse emotion-filled voice of his partner that made him turn around. "You don't get to leave again."

The expression on Lisbon's face startled him. He had seen many emotions cross those angelic features, but he was unable to describe what he was looking at right now.

"What?" Jane asked, not knowing how to respond to what she had said.

Lisbon stood straight and despite the obvious height difference between them both, she seemed somewhat tall as she spoke, "You don't get to come in here, drop all this on me telling me you love me and then just leave. You will give me a damn moment to process all I just heard, Patrick Jane. And you will stay."

Jane was dumbfounded and she nodded and added, "We'll sit down on my couch and you will not talk until I tell you to, do you understand?"

He went to answer her question but quickly closed his mouth as she glared at him, and just nodded his consent.

"Good." Lisbon loosened her grip on his arm until she was only holding it and lead them into her living room over to her sofa.

As they were sitting down she slowly let go of his arm and moved back a strand of her hair in what he knew to be a nervous gesture.

She closed her eyes and leaned back into the cushions of her couch taking slow and long breaths.

Jane was staring at her, not sure what to do. The more time passed, the more worried and nervous he got, his eyes tracking her face for any sign of what was going through her head.

When she finally opened her eyes, he almost recoiled at the turmoil of emotions swirling through her orbs. The warmth and love he recognized let hope blossom in his still fast beating heart.

And then she spoke and at hearing the soft melodic sound of her voice after minutes of agonizing silence, he swore he fell a little bit more in love with her, something that he had thought to be impossible. "Did you mean what you said?"

She spoke steady and clear and Jane wished for her composure when he choked out the words, "Yes, I meant every word of it."

"Good..." Now he could make out a slight waver in her voice, and he knew it was probably wrong of him to be thankful for that, but he had been a little scared by how in control she was of her feelings. "... Because I feel the same way. That was actually the reason why Marcus and I broke up, because I... love you."

Hearing her say those words seemed to dissolve a knot that had sat tightly somewhere in his lungs restricting his breathing, and having to test that he took a deep long breath before heavily and soundly exhaling.

Lisbon looked at him, worry written all over her face. "Are you okay?"

Jane let out a laugh, "I haven't been this happy in a very long time! I might start crying at any moment though, just as a warning."

Lisbon bit her lip, "That's okay, I already am." It was only then that he noticed the tear tracks on her cheeks. He slowly inched closer, hesitantly reaching out with both hands. She came willingly, and as he held her face and pulled her closer to tenderly kiss away her tears, he knew that, as far as it was up to him, he would never let her go again.


End file.
